Harry sometimes...

"Oi, the holidays are rough."

Ever wish you could take some people by the hand and explain things to them? I mean, really explain the reality of siutations? I recently faced a barrage of criticism from someone who arguably deserved to criticize me. But the sad thing is that I can't get angry about it. I can't bring myself to hate someone who says nasty things about me, about who I am and who I spend my time with. Seems like it would be easy, right?

But the truth is, it's easy for me to be detached from this situation. Like the moment in When Harry Met Sally, I just know "I am not your consolation prize." I know that I might do the same as her, faced with the same situation. It's hard - living, being, trying to share any part of life with someone else. It's always going to be hard. When we find someone we want to spend our time with, it's inevitable that something will come up to challenge our ability to keep things together. Shit, it's hard enough just to keep my own crap together.

I think maybe though the secret is to keep your head about you when others are losing theirs. Does this mean I'm detached completely from the situation? Far from it. I know that I am intricately involved - whether I like it or not - in something bigger than me, that affects more than just him and I. And truthfully, I feel kinda bad about that. But I've never been one to avoid making waves.

I am amazed with this guy. I think he might be the most incredible person I've ever met - guy or girl. I wish nothing more than to see him over and over. Yet beyond all that I know that I have to keep my distance, and that I can do this without forcing myself to do so. Life just isn't fucking perfect, and no matter what I can't change that. I don't really want to.

But I'm trying not to feel guilty.