So yeah, here we are

So we're here, and we're getting married.

Wow.


I've always wanted to marry you.


You're the love of my life.



It feels like, sometimes, like you're not all that interested in it all. I don't know anything except how much I love you. I want you to be there with me.



I don't know who I would ever love without you.


Please stop acting like i'm the most annoying person in the world. Start letting me into your secret love in your heart...

Love,

Your love.

i stole this

What Is Love


Love is a slow kiss goodnight

It is anticipation.



Love is an imperfection in yourself not bothering you.

It is acceptance.



Love is passing up an opportunity because the time isn't right yet.

It is patience.



Love is a back massage that starts above the hairline and ends around the innersoles.

It is exploration.



Love is not having to say, "Let's make love", because you know what the other person wants.

It is understanding.



Love is being given an honest chance to say no when you thought you were committed.

It is consideration.



Love is saying the perfect phrase to make a solemn embrace dissolve into giggles.

It is humor.



Love is being told, "Stop and I'll kill you".

It is desire.



Love is reviewing the damage to your living room and realizing personal effects are strewn in a clockwise pattern from the front door to the bedroom.

It is abandonment.



Love is seeing what your lover really looks like for the first time.

It is truth.



Love is knowing what time it is and not caring.

It is joy.



Love is the arms around you tightening their embrace.

It is ecstasy.



Love is telling a person, if you have to leave, you will let them sleep, and being told they would rather be awakened.

It is tenderness.



Love is waking up to find the subject of the dream you were having asleep on your shoulder.

It is where fantasy meets reality.



Love is being there to wake your lover........slowly.

It is sensuousness.



Love is belatedly knowing why you bought a king size bed three years ago.

It is practicality.



Love is two people only taking up a third of a king size bed.

It is closeness.



Love is knowing you gave the extra set of keys to the right person.

It is trust.



Love is saying goodbye and knowing you will be back by mutual consent.

It is faith.



Love is stretching your arms and discovering the real meaning of the word "sore".

It is a lesson in human fragility.



Love is opening your medicine cabinet and finding your toothpaste turned into a pretzel.

It is adaptation.



Love is sitting at the window, looking out, and remembering who you were with the night before.

It is reflection.



Love is hearing the weather forecast for a winter storm, and wishing you could spend it in bed with your lover.

It is loneliness.



Love is stories that will never be told.

It is personal.


(http://flyinhigh86.stumbleupon.com/)

horoscope
for Thursday, July 5:

When you come from a place of secure self-esteem, an admission of vulnerability is actually a strength. What does that mean exactly? Well, that you trust yourself enough to handle being close with people.

So it's kind of like we made it.

We watched the fireworks last night from our porch, later bobbing and weaving down our gazes between the trees as we tried to catch the last glimpses. There's something so magically spontaneous and yet comfortably predictable about fireworks, which explode over our heads in magnificent controlled chaos each year. I remember last year, we watched movies at my old apartment and passionately discussed the downfall of American civilization as the explosions lit up the sky.

Now we have our own place, our own home, our own language of living.

Sometimes it's hard to believe, you and me. I mean, this is always what I've known, that you are truly my home. But it's funny the tricks your head can play on your heart. It can make you scared, lonely, and full of a swirling mixture of emotion. Instead of trusting, sometimes I hid. Instead of opening, sometimes I walled.

But through it all, through it all somehow we both knew.

I love you so much that sometimes it overwhelms me. I've never even started to experience this before, and there are these moments where I just have to step back and be amazed. Even now, sitting here trying to come up with the words, they just sort of elude me. I am in possession of that elusive, effusive, ebullient thing called happiness, and it's both real and amazing.


I know there are times ahead, times that might try us and make us crazy, and make us even cry. I am so 100% ready for them if you are there by my side.

I think we can really do this. Somehow, someway, this is it. I just was always waiting.


Part of me is scared to tell you all of this, most of all scared that my constant love and affection will only make you eventually hate me. I know that's stupid, and not at all the case, but that's my fear and it's better to face it in the open than to shove it in a deeper place inside of you. Like that song Dracula's Wedding, I wait my whole life to bite the right one, then you come along and that freaks me out, so I'm frightened. I get scared precisely because I am not stupid, and because that nihilist in me rears its ugly head from time to time. There's also that ridiculous little girl inside of me that needs, desperately, to be told at least 10 times each day how wonderful and magical she is, and how there is absolutely no one as awesome as her in the whole wide world.

Yeah, I know, unicorns and rainbows are retarded too.


I don't know, it just seems that for the first time in my life, I am in real and adult love. It's somehow deeper and more complex, like the smell of the earth after a rainstorm, or the reflection of light across water. It's not without its share of obsessiveness, but tempered with the experience of age and the simple joy of honest friendship. I want to always be this close, and to never tire of each others company or conversation.

I think we can do that.

I think we are right.

I think I'm not that afraid.




I am so damn in love with you.

huh...

You Are a Visionary Soul

You are a curious person, always in a state of awareness. Connected to all things spiritual, you are very connected to your soul. You are wise and bright: able to reason and be reasonable. Occasionally, you get quite depressed and have dark feelings. You have great vision and can be very insightful. In fact, you are often profound in a way that surprises yourself. Visionary souls like you can be the best type of friend. You are intuitive, understanding, sympathetic, and a good healer. Souls you are most compatible with: Old Soul and Peacemaker Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

Pablo Neruda - Sonnet XVII

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
Or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
In secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms but carries in
Itself the light of hidden flowers;
Thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
Risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.


I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where
I love you straightforwardly without complexities or pride
I love you because I know no other way than this
So close that your hand on my chest is my hand
So close that when you close your eyes I fall asleep

If

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master,
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

Rudyard Kipling (1865-1936)

interestingally

It's pretty funny
The way I've been able to fall in love with you
So strangly quick and yet strongly off
Other times I've felt love
It's nothing like this,
nothing like actually loving.

Stupid, funny, ridiculous love for you.

I want to smell you all in the middle of the night.
I want to touch the small of your back.
I want to cook you every meal you eat.
I want to laugh
And talk
And smile
And giggle
And think

With you.

If there was a god
I would tell him
that you are the one
that I love
and thank him.
And even if there's not,
which is okay with me,
I can be happy with exactly
all of this.

goddamn goddamn goddamn
yes.

no need to click

"Use every chance you've been given
she replied after several days
It's no good to be perfect
you know so well things are easy to tell
There is one thing I know
it goes like this
It's that when I'm down and out it's you I miss

I have told you this before
and my transparent mind
won't cover see-through hearts
I'll be straight with you now
Now I'm not what you want
just like the rest
and you feel like you're subject to a test
But if there's one thing I know it's this
When I lose my sleep it's you I miss

You sleep all night
you know you lie awake
Tell me, yeah
And time is running out
and you know so well
it may never be

Use every chance you've been given
she is told, but it doesn't make her smile
She has no need to be perfect
She knows too well
things are easy to tell
I have said what I thought you should know
but you never seem to recognize my face"
-Sondra Lersche

nights on the turntable

so this trip away has been useful in so many ways. I don`t think I`m afraid anymore. Of losing us, or of moving forward in life, or of realizing my potential. I think it`s all going to be alright. I do have to learn how to stop being cold, and start being able to tell you how I feel. But that will come with time if it`s supposed to happen. I don`t know why sometimes this relationship makes me feel like I`m doing it all for the first time again, but that`s a good and a bad thing and I`m not going to worry about it. Stretching my wings up here in our neighbor to the North has been a bit of a good thing, allowing me to see what it is I really want to spend my time doing and seeing and experiencing. And it`s also given me some of your experience - of travelling and seeing what I am made of.

I have to resolve to myself not to let myself get freaked out by your move to NY, but also to retain my sense of self. If you are going to move then you are going to move and nothing all that scary will happen. Perhaps you will keep loving me and perhaps you won`t. But I have to remember that you are a good person just like me and that you and I will make decisions over the years. Hopefully those will include each other.

In other news, this internship has been so amazing. I realized that I am totally ADD about research, but that I can find, absorb, and reconstruct information for others quickly and efficiently. This is a good thing. I really have renewed my commitment internally to finding and applying to good grad school programs. And I have gained more confidence than ever about going to a new place and starting a new life centered around learning. These are all extremely positive changes. I know that with a little work I can accomplish all of the goals I have set out for. And I can do that while still enjoying the world around me.

So, in summary, the lessons of the last couple weeks:

- everything is okay in my love life and it will do what it will

- everything is starting to fall into place in my work life and it will do what it will

- everything is okay in my family life, and it will do what it will

- everything is okay in my intellectual life and it will do what it will

These are all extremely good things. The world seems to be presenting me with a set of circumstances and choices that I wouldn`t trade anything for. It is so nice to have come so far.