nights on the turntable
so this trip away has been useful in so many ways. I don`t think I`m afraid anymore. Of losing us, or of moving forward in life, or of realizing my potential. I think it`s all going to be alright. I do have to learn how to stop being cold, and start being able to tell you how I feel. But that will come with time if it`s supposed to happen. I don`t know why sometimes this relationship makes me feel like I`m doing it all for the first time again, but that`s a good and a bad thing and I`m not going to worry about it. Stretching my wings up here in our neighbor to the North has been a bit of a good thing, allowing me to see what it is I really want to spend my time doing and seeing and experiencing. And it`s also given me some of your experience - of travelling and seeing what I am made of.
I have to resolve to myself not to let myself get freaked out by your move to NY, but also to retain my sense of self. If you are going to move then you are going to move and nothing all that scary will happen. Perhaps you will keep loving me and perhaps you won`t. But I have to remember that you are a good person just like me and that you and I will make decisions over the years. Hopefully those will include each other.
In other news, this internship has been so amazing. I realized that I am totally ADD about research, but that I can find, absorb, and reconstruct information for others quickly and efficiently. This is a good thing. I really have renewed my commitment internally to finding and applying to good grad school programs. And I have gained more confidence than ever about going to a new place and starting a new life centered around learning. These are all extremely positive changes. I know that with a little work I can accomplish all of the goals I have set out for. And I can do that while still enjoying the world around me.
So, in summary, the lessons of the last couple weeks:
- everything is okay in my love life and it will do what it will
- everything is starting to fall into place in my work life and it will do what it will
- everything is okay in my family life, and it will do what it will
- everything is okay in my intellectual life and it will do what it will
These are all extremely good things. The world seems to be presenting me with a set of circumstances and choices that I wouldn`t trade anything for. It is so nice to have come so far.
I have to resolve to myself not to let myself get freaked out by your move to NY, but also to retain my sense of self. If you are going to move then you are going to move and nothing all that scary will happen. Perhaps you will keep loving me and perhaps you won`t. But I have to remember that you are a good person just like me and that you and I will make decisions over the years. Hopefully those will include each other.
In other news, this internship has been so amazing. I realized that I am totally ADD about research, but that I can find, absorb, and reconstruct information for others quickly and efficiently. This is a good thing. I really have renewed my commitment internally to finding and applying to good grad school programs. And I have gained more confidence than ever about going to a new place and starting a new life centered around learning. These are all extremely positive changes. I know that with a little work I can accomplish all of the goals I have set out for. And I can do that while still enjoying the world around me.
So, in summary, the lessons of the last couple weeks:
- everything is okay in my love life and it will do what it will
- everything is starting to fall into place in my work life and it will do what it will
- everything is okay in my family life, and it will do what it will
- everything is okay in my intellectual life and it will do what it will
These are all extremely good things. The world seems to be presenting me with a set of circumstances and choices that I wouldn`t trade anything for. It is so nice to have come so far.
posted by rd at 8:39 AM
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