some thoughts

I have come to a sort of revelation, pulled a curtain back on something I don't want to know about myself.

There are some things I've written here that are just plain stupid.

Seriously stupid. It's not that I want to bury my head or heart in the sand, not thinking about anything that could go wrong.

But obsessing over it, and presenting some picture to others as though I'm angst-ridden....whAt.

I am being retarded. If I were my own friend I'd stop listening to my crap.

Hmm...odd phrase. Phase. All of it.

"If I were my own friend."

That should definitely not come out of my brain.


If his thing he doesn't want to know about himself is that he cares what people think about him...mine is the opposite. Or maybe that I care what people think about me, but forget that I have control of it. Or...I don't know how to write it.

You know what's so dope about figuring this out? I can do shit about it.

It's OKAY to make mistakes. It's OKAY to love. It's OKAY to be occasionally afraid, lonely, frustrated, or weird. But not all the time.

I think the biggest problem is that it's not actually presenting a true picture of myself to ... myself (a), and others (b) with all this bitching. Even if it's only internal bitching.


Things aren't actually bad in my life, and ... that's that.

Time to make a change again.

"better to strengthen your back than to lighten your load."