here's to opening and upward

here's to opening and upward, to leaf and to sap
and to your(in my arms flowering so new)
self whose eyes smell of the sound of rain

and here's to silent certainly mountains;and to
a disappearing poet of always,snow
and to morning;and to morning's beautiful friend
twilight(and a first dream called ocean)and

let must or if be damned with whomever's afraid
down with ought with because with every brain
which thinks it thinks,nor dares to feel(but up
with joy;and up with laughing and drunkenness)

here's to one undiscoverable guess
of whose mad skill each world of blood is made
(whose fatal songs are moving in the moon

ee cummings

Paloma negra

Ya me canso de llorar y no amanece
Ya no sé si maldecirte o por ti rezar
Tengo miedo de buscarte y de encontrarte
Donde me aseguran mis amigos que te vas
Hay momentos en que quisiera mejor rajarme
Y arrancarme ya los clavos de mi penar
Pero mis ojos se mueren si mirar tus ojos
Y mi cariño con la aurora te vuelve a esperar

Y aggaraste por tu cuenta la parranda
Paloma negra paloma negra dónde, dónde andarás?
Ya no jueges con mi honra parrandera
Si tus caricias han de ser mías, de nadie mas

Y aunque te amo con locura ya no vuelves
Paloma negra eres la reja de un penar
Quiero ser libre vivir mi vida con quien yo quiera
Dios dame fuerza que me estoy muriendo por irla a buscar

Y agarraste por tu cuenta las parrandas

duh dum da doobie

ENTP - "Inventor". Enthusiastic interest in everything and always sensitive to possibilities. Non-conformist and innovative. 3.2% of the total population.

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Instinctual Variant Test Results Sexual ||||||||||||||||||||| 70% Social |||||||||||||||||||||||| 78% Self Preservation ||||||||||||||| 42%

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help me rhonda, yeah.

Enneagram Compatibility Test Type 1 Perfectionism |||||||||||| 46% |||||||||||| 50% Type 2 Helpfulness |||||||||||||||| 62% |||||||||||| 42% Type 3 Ambition |||||||||||||||| 70% |||||||||||||||| 66% Type 4 Sensitivity |||||||||| 38% |||||||||| 38% Type 5 Detachment |||||||||||||| 54% |||||||||||| 46% Type 6 Anxiety |||||||||||||| 58% |||||||||| 38% Type 7 Adventurousness |||||||||||||||| 62% |||||||||||||||| 70% Type 8 Hostility |||||||||||||||| 66% |||||||||||||||| 66% Type 9 Calmness |||||||||||||||| 70% |||||||||||||||| 70% scale key - you |||||| them |||||| Your type - 9, Their type - 9 Your overall similarity is 88%. Your overall complementarity is 91%.

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some quotes

"the art of living does not consist in preserving and clinging to a particular mood of happiness, but in allowing happiness to change its form without being disappointed by the change; for happiness, like a child, must be allowed to grow up." - Charles Langbridge Morgan

"and the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." - Anais Nin

"happiness sneaks in through a door that you didn't know was open." - John Barrymore

"we are but travelers in the wilderness of this world, and the best we can find is an honest friend." - Robert Lewis Stevenson

"Every man is essentially alone. But when you get mixed up with a fairly decent crowd, you forget that appalling fact long enough to give your brain time to recover from the acute symptoms of its disease - that of thinking." - Aleister Crowley, Diary of a Drug Fiend




Umm...there were more but I don't feel like writing anymore. I feel like coming up with some thoughts of my own.

some thoughts

I have come to a sort of revelation, pulled a curtain back on something I don't want to know about myself.

There are some things I've written here that are just plain stupid.

Seriously stupid. It's not that I want to bury my head or heart in the sand, not thinking about anything that could go wrong.

But obsessing over it, and presenting some picture to others as though I'm angst-ridden....whAt.

I am being retarded. If I were my own friend I'd stop listening to my crap.

Hmm...odd phrase. Phase. All of it.

"If I were my own friend."

That should definitely not come out of my brain.


If his thing he doesn't want to know about himself is that he cares what people think about him...mine is the opposite. Or maybe that I care what people think about me, but forget that I have control of it. Or...I don't know how to write it.

You know what's so dope about figuring this out? I can do shit about it.

It's OKAY to make mistakes. It's OKAY to love. It's OKAY to be occasionally afraid, lonely, frustrated, or weird. But not all the time.

I think the biggest problem is that it's not actually presenting a true picture of myself to ... myself (a), and others (b) with all this bitching. Even if it's only internal bitching.


Things aren't actually bad in my life, and ... that's that.

Time to make a change again.

"better to strengthen your back than to lighten your load."

don't focus on the fear, focus on the exhilaration

"love is really the discovery of ourselves in others, and the delight in this recognition."


...exhilaration

tonight, tonight.

Sorry about that last one. I don't know why I'm worrying so much.

I walked for about an hour in the rain. Then I went to Nick's and played with Kobe.

I want to send you emails like "why don't you want to hang out with me as much as I want to hang out with you?"



but I don't really feel like I have the right.


this obsession over what you're thinking and why you're thinking it has to stop. You are who you are, and there's no changing that. I see you as a challenge sometimes....but I rock and you don't really want me that much.

Shit...

I am being stupid.


that's the end for tonight.

finding perfection

God you smell so fucking good.


Even though you're not here anymore.

I just don't understand why you keep putting up a wall between us. I am really fucking cool, and really fucking in L..L..L with you. And you keep calling her around me. It's really fucking annoying. Okay, so I'm putting up walls too.

I want you to figure out what you want, and treat me like the girlfriend you've been dating for like 8 months.

But I can't stop smelling the spot you were sitting in.

Sometimes I wish I could just tell you to fuck off or that I love you. Like one of the two would be nice.

Shit, this limbo is driving me nuts. Soon I have to figure something out. But....you know, I know I can't take things too seriously.

I want love back. I want it in return. You know you could love me. You've told me before.

this is all too personal and hurting. I miss you and that's all there is to say. I think about you all week long, and suffer when you pull away from me in bed. You said once that sex was just a physical impulse, and that hurt. It's not about the sex with us, but you're not ready for anything more. Not when you're worrying about how she feels still. I'm really, really ready for you and me.

No more of this thinking. More of the drinking.

I love you.

There, I said it.

ummm... im tired

word	percentile
drug addict	99%
rambunctious	97%
impetuous	97.5%
systematic	14.5%
meek	10%
private	7.5%

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