So it's kind of like we made it.

We watched the fireworks last night from our porch, later bobbing and weaving down our gazes between the trees as we tried to catch the last glimpses. There's something so magically spontaneous and yet comfortably predictable about fireworks, which explode over our heads in magnificent controlled chaos each year. I remember last year, we watched movies at my old apartment and passionately discussed the downfall of American civilization as the explosions lit up the sky.

Now we have our own place, our own home, our own language of living.

Sometimes it's hard to believe, you and me. I mean, this is always what I've known, that you are truly my home. But it's funny the tricks your head can play on your heart. It can make you scared, lonely, and full of a swirling mixture of emotion. Instead of trusting, sometimes I hid. Instead of opening, sometimes I walled.

But through it all, through it all somehow we both knew.

I love you so much that sometimes it overwhelms me. I've never even started to experience this before, and there are these moments where I just have to step back and be amazed. Even now, sitting here trying to come up with the words, they just sort of elude me. I am in possession of that elusive, effusive, ebullient thing called happiness, and it's both real and amazing.


I know there are times ahead, times that might try us and make us crazy, and make us even cry. I am so 100% ready for them if you are there by my side.

I think we can really do this. Somehow, someway, this is it. I just was always waiting.


Part of me is scared to tell you all of this, most of all scared that my constant love and affection will only make you eventually hate me. I know that's stupid, and not at all the case, but that's my fear and it's better to face it in the open than to shove it in a deeper place inside of you. Like that song Dracula's Wedding, I wait my whole life to bite the right one, then you come along and that freaks me out, so I'm frightened. I get scared precisely because I am not stupid, and because that nihilist in me rears its ugly head from time to time. There's also that ridiculous little girl inside of me that needs, desperately, to be told at least 10 times each day how wonderful and magical she is, and how there is absolutely no one as awesome as her in the whole wide world.

Yeah, I know, unicorns and rainbows are retarded too.


I don't know, it just seems that for the first time in my life, I am in real and adult love. It's somehow deeper and more complex, like the smell of the earth after a rainstorm, or the reflection of light across water. It's not without its share of obsessiveness, but tempered with the experience of age and the simple joy of honest friendship. I want to always be this close, and to never tire of each others company or conversation.

I think we can do that.

I think we are right.

I think I'm not that afraid.




I am so damn in love with you.